Negima Outtakes
by Modulated
Summary: In the making of Negima's various incarnations, some things are left out. Here's the stuff Ken Akamutsu's bosses don't want you to see. May be a little inappropriate due to fierce language, Ye be warned. Now with more outtakes and correct spelling!
1. Reel 1

Outtake Reel 1

Negi: Wow Evangeline, nice outfit!

Eva: Are you kidding? I'm so loligoth it _hurts_.

* * *

Asuna: So, how'd your date with Negi go, Bookstore?

Nodoka: (snaps) MY NAME'S NODOKA YOU STUPID WHORE! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

Negi: (trying to pull Nodoka off as she beats up Asuna) Damn bitch! Calm the fuck down!

* * *

Ayaka: (from limousine) Oh Negi-kun! Come over here! I'll give you a ride back to the dorms!

Negi: No thanks, Ayaka-san, I'm waiting for Asuna.

Ayaka: I'll give you caaaandy!

Negi: Ooh! Candy!

Ayaka: Bwahaha!

* * *

Nodoka: Jesus, it took me TEN MANGA'S to get a kiss from Negi-kun. Damn you Akamutsu! Momma wants some sugar!

Sayo: Oh, shut up. I died a _virgin_.

* * *

Takahata: You know Eva, I just thought, you're a vampire, right?

Eva: Hello? Loligoth?

Takahata: So, you must've killed hundreds, maybe thousands of people! Why hasn't some sort of magical police force shown up to arrest you?

Eva: Oh, come on, who's going to arrest me?

Harry Potter:(crashes through a window) Harry Potter! Auror! Evangeline Mcdowell, you're under arrest for multiple counts of murder, debauchery, embezzlement, and excessive loligothness!

Negi: (walks in) Hey guys, whats- (sees Harry Potter) Oh, it's ON, BITCH.

* * *

Konoka: (flying in the arms of Setsuna) Hmm…. This reminds me of something. Oh, that's right, EVERY SINGLE WINGFIC EVER WRITTEN! GET SOME ORIGINALITY AKAMUTSU, YOU HACK!

* * *

Negi: Happy birthday, Kotaro-san!

Kotaro: (unraps present) Huh... "Oedipus Rex." What the heck? Why'd you get me this book?

Negi: (coughs) No reason.

Chizuru: Come back to bed Kotaro-kun!

* * *

Konoka: (sobbing) He hugged Se-chan ... and then... they started _kissing_!

Asuna: There, Konoka-chan... it'll be alright... (stops) Hold up, Setsuna's STRAIGHT?

(Cut to Setsuna)

Setsuna: Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are.

Negi: I feel a disturbance, as if a thousand fanboys cried out, and were suddenly silenced...

* * *

Negi: Hurry guys! We gotta deliver this message to the Kanii Association!

Asuna: Or, you know, we could just... Not?

Setsuna: Can we do that?

Negi: I... I guess we could... It'd be a lot easier...

Asuna: Yeah, let's just go do something else that involves NOT DYING.

Negi: Um... I guess we could play cards?

* * *

Negi: (sighs) I bet the guys over at "Gunslinger Girl" don't have to put up with this crap.

* * *

Setsuna: A watch that can turn back time, huh? I've heard of this somewhere before... oh right! Prisoner of Azka-

Negi: Don't you _dare _say it.


	2. Reel 2

Outtake Reel 2 

Negi: Alright, people, I've called you all here today to discuss something very important to all of us, a decline in fan service.

Konoka: Excuse me, but what's fan-

Asuna: Shut up, Konoka. No can possibly be as dumb as you act.

Negi: …As you know, the manga was catering towards the standard otaku audience, with a bit of a young-adult twist, so less fan-service then Love Hina, but still a good amount. Then there was the first anime, which was designed for the kiddie market, so practically none! Then,the second series, and bam! More fan service. With collectible cards. And now, a live action series, and you know what that means-

Ayaka: (excitedly raising her hand) Ooh! Ooh! Child pornography!?

Asuna: WHY AREN'T YOU IN JAIL, YOU PEDOPHILE?!

Meanwhile, at the residence of Ken Akamutsu:

Police Officer: Sir, you'll have to come with us, we've found child pornography all over your house.

Ken Akamutsu: You don't understand! It's just the live action series of my latest manga!

Police Officer: Tell it to the judge… fucking pervert.

Ken Akamutsu's Wife: I'll always love you, Ken!

Ken Akamutsu: Wait for me Naru! No jail can hold our love apart!

Editor's Note: Ken Akamutsu's wife looks a lot like Naru Narusegawa from Love Hina. Seriously. Look it up. It's hella creepy.

* * *

Asuna: Hi Negi! What crazy adventure are we going to get into in this manga?

Negi: Uhm… I really don't know, all I have is this letter that I'm supposed to read from Ken Akamutsu…

Asuna: What does it say?

Negi: Hm, "Dear English-Speaking readers: Fuck you. Lulz. Sincerely, Ken Akamutsu."

* * *

Negi: (Gesturing towards Emma Watson) Yeah, I'd hit that.

Kotaro: What about Ron?

Negi: What the FUCK about him?

Kotaro: N-Never mind….

* * *

Eva: To everyone writing lemons about me: Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

Sayo: I-I don't mind, really, I don't!

Eva: Shut the hell up, you dead virgin. No one will ever want to sleep with you. Let alone write a lemon about you.

Sayo: sob My- My little brother said I was pretty!

Eva: Oh yeah? How many doujinshi's have been written about you? Ever?!

Sayo: (sobs weakly)

Eva: That's what I thought. Incestuous whore.

* * *

Konoemon Konoe (The School Dean of Mahora): I'm relying on you, Konoka and Asuna, to "take care of" Negi. He-he-heeeee…..

Asuna: Okay, seriously, who here is okay with a creepy old man being the Dean of an ALL GIRLS SCHOOL?!

* * *

Asuna: You know, it's kind of worrying that the most normal character we have is secretly a net idol.

Chisame: What about Chizuru's roommate?

Asuna: Who?

You know, Misora.

Asuna: Again, who?

Editor: Misora Kasuga – No one cares about her. She's probably a lesbian too. What a shame.

* * *

Yue: (sobs) Nodoka, I'm so sorry I tried to kiss Negi behind your back!

Nodoka: Oh, it's okay, Yue.

Yue: (sniff) R-really?

Nodoka: Yeah, you're so undeveloped, there's no way Negi would ever go for you. You're practically as flat as a board. What are you, five years old?

Yue: …Slutty bitch.

* * *

Setsuna: You mean the spell that made you our age is irreversible?

Negi: I'm afraid so.

Ayaka: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Asuna: Seriously, what the fuck? Is there any goddamn police in Japan? Ever?

* * *

Chisame: Dear Kotonon of Sayonara Sensei: Back off, bitch, or I will personally fuck you up beyond repair.

* * *

Eva: Seriously? The power of _love_?

Voldemort: Look, could you just drop it?

Eva: Sure. Whatever. …_Pussy_.


End file.
